


Learning To Hold

by Allens_Matchmaker



Series: This Family Is Ours [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Family, Father!Earl/Mana, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:17:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allens_Matchmaker/pseuds/Allens_Matchmaker
Summary: The original version of Remember My Son.The Earl struggles to get Allen to believe that he is Mana Walker.





	Learning To Hold

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Remember My Son](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12466348) by [Allens_Matchmaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allens_Matchmaker/pseuds/Allens_Matchmaker). 



> I just want to say thank you very much to everyone who supported and followed Remember My Son. I never thought it would get so welcomed, if only because it was a pretty weird idea. Due to some reviews on my other story RMS, I decided to keep Chapter Six, the original, and put it in another story. This story. Major differences starts at the end. Possibly with irregular updates. But less irregular than Noah of Cycle, which is still in the rewriting process.
> 
> P.S. Chapter Six will be empty of this story at RMS (by 02/24/2018), if only to keep the story in line.
> 
> Learning To Hold is largely due to:
> 
> AO3 commenters-Alphonse, chikku, noosedagoose, leafpool5, IfYouWish.
> 
> commenters-timce2, KK, nineaah, Babywolfchick1142, AllenWalker009, Elogane, wolfscry248, Meerub, Fairygirl34, Gwntan12, Cutiepie120048
> 
> For those who may not be mentioned, I only listed the comments and reviews that mentioned a.)they liked the original b.)wanted to keep it c.)wanted it continued.
> 
> Nevertheless, all reviews and comments are precious, so I really appreciate your thoughts! I'm about to reply to reviews soon!

He watches children dart in and out of the crowded streets; their little feet made rapid thudding claps on the cobblestones. Tinkling, exuberant shrieks and giggles light up dull, cold bricks as they chased each other to their hearts' content. They were such joyful, young, adorable... creatures. Their parents must be so fortunate, he concludes, to be raising such nice children. What a pleasant life it would be to take care of them, he thinks.

He imagines saying goodnight to the children, tucking them to sleep with a thin blanket on straw mattresses over hard, cold dirt floors on moonless nights. He imagines a child-stubborn with a dash of kindness.

He imagines.

One brown-haired boy runs by the Earl, and something about his hair catches his attention more than the others.

Ah.

Brown. His heart aches with wonder. Somewhere in the back of his mind, his memories vaguely whisper of another brown-haired boy with spiky hair, eyes wide with desperation. He may have turned the boy's father into an akuma. Probably. And then the memory was gone just as fast as it had come.

His thoughts drift back to the children. He wants a kid with brown hair, he thinks. He thinks a lot these days. Living for thousands of years tended to do that. He thinks about his goals for humanity, his plans to crush the abominable Heart, the family, their setbacks, and then, after all is done, he thinks about children. His eyes follow them, too. He wonders what it would be like to take care of a child. Then he backtracks and realizes he would never do that. Probably.

He gazes at them again. He's not responsible enough to pull that off. What would he even do with a child?

He doesn't know why he thinks about children so much. He doesn't know why watching them makes him feel as if he is remembering something (or someone) he can't quite grasp, and he doesn't know when this habit of his started. Sane men probably didn't spend every hour they weren't making more akumas in observing children. Then again, sane men probably didn't go around turning grieving people into hideous, killing machines either

Twinge. His senses tingle. He shakes off the feeling of disappointment. Somewhere in the northern part of the world, a mother was driven insane with mourning the sudden death of her only son: the perfect opportunity to make a new akuma.

He gives the playing children one last, fleeting glance—time to head back to work.

The dark haired man adjusts his top hat and weaves through the crowd of busy town people. He ducks into an alley, and is gone.

* * *

He's back to watching children again. Particularly two disheartened earth-haired twins who just lost both of their parents in a fire. They sat still on the bench at night, shoulders hunched-and the Earl can't help but wonder who the irresponsible imbecile was who let them wander by themselves right after losing their parents.

Not that he cares, really. He's just saying that if he had to take care of an orphaned brown haired kid who just lost someone (like a kid whose dog friend was beaten to death by an old man-Cosimo, his mind unhelpfully provided), he wouldn't be letting them out at night alone. He'd try to cheer them up. Maybe dress up like a clown. Children loved clowns, right?

"Little children, where are your parents?"

Both kids barely lift their heads to look at him. They remain silent, almost as if they didn't hear him. Still, the Earl isn't deterred.

"Quite the blaze this morning, huh?" The Earl is right behind them now. "Heard the fire took down a lovely couple, too."

He notices the kids' shoulders tense, fists clench, and know that he has their attention. There was only one fire in town today, and only one set of twins who lost their parents at the same time.

"Perhaps you'd like to see them again?"

* * *

Pesky flesh-bags, the lot of them. He doesn't know what his supposed God-sent enemies were thinking, allowing lowly humans to possess them, but he supposes it only makes his job easier. Humans were so much easier to kill than Innocence, after all. Just like this soon to be dead white haired boy with a giant metallic left arm.

"That's true, Jean." The boy walks closer to the nosy brat who kept disturbing the Earl's akumas in the town. Something about the boy's oddly colored hair makes the Earl strangely curious. White? Of all colors, why white? Did this one have a desire to be mistaken for an old man? Children had odd tastes nowadays. "That boy is not human. It is one of the Millennium Earl's weapons, merely disguised as your friend."

"It's an akuma." It's a little surprising that someone knew, and it unsettles the Earl a little.

"Who are you?" He asks, tilting his head.

"Your enemy." Not surprising. His arm is already a giant indicator that the boy wasn't a civilian like this goggled brat in front of him. For some reason, the sight of the activated innocence makes the Earl feel even more off. It looked odd to him, and dangerous. It felt like a weapon he had experience before, can feel its sharpness cutting him as he calls out- _I love you, A-!_

The Earl shakes off his line of thought. What? No innocence has ever cut through him. Right. He shouldn't allow himself to be distracted.

"An exorcist, then? Well, well, it's very nice to meet you." He greets the boy with odd taste in hair color in a convivial manner.

And yet. The exorcist activates his innocence, and tries to attack Leo.

How rude.

The menace stops him. The brat starts wailing about why Leo is an akuma, and that he can't be an akuma. The Earl can't help it: he feels pretty smug with the look of horror that crosses the kid's face when the boy realizes his best friend was no longer behind him. In his place was a level one akuma, guns trained to kill him. This was one kid the Earl didn't mind dying.

Kill him, he mentally urges Leo the akuma. The Earl can feel satisfaction pull in his guts-wouldn't one be after seeing their hard work gone to waste with one little menace who kept interfering with his akuma's in the city? He remains silent, prepared to relish the sight of yet another death by his akuma.

But that satisfaction suddenly turned to horror. The white-haired boy jumps in to protect the menace. The Earl gasps. Somewhere in him, a feeling stirs. Protective.  _He sees tiny gray eyes peering at him. A boy named Red. "I hate clowns."_ It shakes him, leaving him jittery. He forces his eyes to study the exorcist who jumped in front of the little kid. Black stars began to dot his flesh, and the Earl can already feel his enemy's death in the air.

_No. Red!_

He clutched his chest. What is going on with him today, the Earl wonders. He knows no boy named Red, remembers no one who said they hated clowns. He forces himself to focus on the task at hand.

"Ah, it was so brave of him to come jumping in front of the bullets for you." He feels his throat dry as he says this. He feels no guilt, no horror-or so he tells himself even as his being protests. He goes back to taunting the menace. How could this kid not realize he wasn't the bad guy here? He was only showing the world the true form of humans. Ugly, thwarted, and brimming with frustrations.

The kid doesn't look like he believes him.

"Leo used the Earl's power to bring his dead mother back to Earth, and turned her into an akuma." The exorcist's left eye attracts the Earl's attention. Red circles for irises and black for the whites of the eyes. The next few sentences chills the Earl's blood.

"I can see her. His mother is in terrible pain, for she turned into an akuma."

See her? No human should be able to see the inner workings of his adorable weapons!

"What are you talking about, you dying weakling?" He growls.

He has no recollection of any human who has the ability to do that. By this point the soon-to-be-dead kid's skin has already turned dark with the poisonous akuma bullets. A light shines from the exorcist's left hand.

"I host an anti-akuma weapon. I can purge my body of this venom." The boy crouches up, and soon, the venom from the akuma is being absorbed by the red star on his forehead. The Earl tries to shake off the confusing feeling of relief that courses through his body.  _Pride fills him as he sees his son properly utilizing his parting gift._

Son? He has no son. What gift? He did not  _gift_  anyone a star scar.

A star scar that looked so much like the pentacle on his akuma.

"That thing… What is it?"

"A curse. I turned someone precious to me into an akuma," The exorcist stands up. He seems eerily familiar now. The Earl's mind recollects a brown-haired boy who had turned his father into an akuma, who had killed his father's akuma skeleton with his own Innocence. "Thanks to that, I can see the souls which rest within Akuma."

"Ah! I remember! I've met you before, long ago! You are Allen Walker! You turned your father into an Akuma back then!" You turned  _me_  into an akuma! Indignation. Stop. These confusing feelings are troubling him.  _Nobody_  turned him into an akuma. It simply was not possible. He had never died.  _Except he was lying on cobblestone, bleeding to death. His blurry vision captures a boy crying out his name. Keep walking. Keep walking! He wants to tell the boy._ Stop!

Two more people come in. A girl and one of the Order's trackers (finders). Things quickly go downhill from then. In the end, the troublesome brat doesn't die, and the Earl lost all his current level one akumas in the town due to the two meddlesome exorcists. Plus, a major headache and a personality split?

Tonight wasn't his lucky night.

* * *

He most definitely did not take to observing Allen Walker since that moonlit evening-why does that name make him feel like he should know the boy more than he does?-through the eyes of his akumas. He takes note of all the injuries the boy receives, the kid's shining personality.

He can't help but consider how odd it is that the boy is so polite. He  _does not_ think the white-haired exorcist would be more familiar with a cruder language. He  _does not_  consider having a clown-themed akuma going after the kid who dressed people up into clown outfits just so he could see what the exorcist would look like as a clown. What he  _does_  do, is veto that idea.

The current clown akuma he had was a pretty strong level three. He wasn't worried that the kid may not survive such an attack. Not at all.

Back to the kid. That pesky eye of his. He can't help but admire the insight that father-turned-akuma's insight to curse his son with the sight to see akuma souls. That way, his son would know who to avoid so that he didn't get killed by other akumas.

He ought to congratulate the man.

But honestly, that scar fits him suits the child well. The kid's dad chose his location well. Through the left eye. He doesn't wonder why he knows Allen Walker's left eye was actually a lot weaker than his right eye before the kid had the cursed sight. The star scar only powered the kid more, if one thought about it. Walker certainly uses it well.

Not that he cares. He doesn't feel like a proud father watching his son grow, either.

He just wonders what it would be like if he had actually succeeded in turning the boy into one of his akumas. Granted, it would be the kid's father's soul leading the body. Still, he'd get to dress up the kid. A clown getup would fit him better than that bland black exorcist garb anyway.

And, his brain quips, brown hair would definitely suit that face better than white.

* * *

He hands Tikki Myk his card of targets, and can't help the sinking feeling in his gut. This was necessary. He hopes that when the boy is gone, the conflicting emotions churning within him would disappear.

He wants him gone, and yet he doesn't.

He wants Tikki to kill the exorcist. And, again, he doesn't.

Steeling himself, the Earl lets the card go. Soon, all the pesky exorcists would be purged from this world. They would be one step closer to destroying the heart. That was all that mattered.

…

His mind traitorously provides him an image of a younger Allen Walker, holding hands with him as they walked through town. He shakes his head. He did not know the kid before he came to offer the now-exorcist a chance to get his father back.

Goodbye, Allen Walker.

_His chest feels like it wants to cave in._

* * *

Tyki comes back after having successfully eliminated Walker. The Earl congratulates him, ignoring the pangs of sorrow and horror and grief that bit at him from the recesses of his mind. He shouldn't care about some human who was destined to die.

That's what he tells himself anyway. Because when news comes to them a few days later that Allen Walker had survived Tyki's attack, the Earl most definitely does  _not_ almost tear up with joy. Nor does his non-existing joy falter when he tells Tyki to follow up with his apparently alive target and send an akuma to go murder the boy in one of those Innocence hideouts.

Because he's the Earl and he's not supposed to care for anyone who carried God's crystals.

* * *

The next time he physically meets Allen Walker, he is attempting to kill one of the kid's teammates.

Then again, when is he not killing the white-haired exorcist's teammates?

Walker's grip on his arm stops him. The white-haired boy is so different from the last time that if he hadn't taken off his silver mask, the Earl would have wondered who this new white wispy figure was.

"Good evening, Earl."

"Good evening," The Earl smirks. He had been worried that his dematerializing akuma had dealt some actual harm to the 'spunky' young exorcist. But of course, the white-haired exorcist would be alright. "So we meet again, Allen Walker."

They battle furiously, leaping away from the Innocence girl who was trapped in a crystal. He whips out his sword, and pushes Walker back heavily.

"That form…" The Earl's thoughts jump back to one particular painting. "It looks like the white clown that chased after Augustine."

Those gray eyes, they were so familiar it  _hurt_. Who are you really, Allen Walker?

"Don't you think?" He smiles widely at the annoyance he could see reflected in Walker's eyes. "You're such a strange child!"

Strange, indeed. Why couldn't he have just hidden away from the rest of the world, he wants to shout to the boy. With the eye that would have warned the boy which akuma-people to avoid, Allen would have been able to evade death from his akumas.  _Allen would have been safe_.

Instead, the boy is an exorcist figuratively courting death.

Blast all of this.

He swings outward, and his sword catches Walker's shoulder. The exorcist grits his teeth, hopping back to safety; but the Earl is done with playing nice. He follows the retreating exorcist, catches one of the white tendrils on Allen Walker's cloak, and  _pulls_. Walker comes flying at him.

Why does the boy bother him so much? He thinks back to his nights of agony, thinking the white-haired exorcist is dead. He remembers following the boy through all the eyes of his akuma. Appraising him, and even pulling back some of his akuma who posed a more lethal threat to the pathetically weak exorcist.

He wants all this to end, and the simplest way to stop all this was seal the fate of the poor, Innocence-trapped child before him.

The Earl poises his sword for the kill, and he takes in the surprised look in those gray eyes just before his sword stabs through the exorcist's stomach.

* * *

Or would have stabbed Walker's stomach.

_Allen… Don't stop, keep moving forward._

He misses. What? What was that?

_He sits on the cold stone floors, drawing symbols unto the snow. Every breath immediately turns to fog._

His head hurts. The Earl slides to his knees, gripping his head. It feels like a huge bell was set off inside his head.

"What is this?" Images he has never seen before, or thought he had never seen before, tears through his mind. His head is  _splitting_  and help. HElp. HELP. He knows the rest of the family could feel his agony. "What have you done to me, Walker!"

"Wha-!" By now, the exorcist had gotten over his recent brush with death, and is watching him with a curious and cautious expression. "Me? I haven't done anything!"

" _This symbol means 'm', and this one 'd'. There's a difference. Do you see it now Allen?"_

" _Eh~So if you put a smash through the middle, it's an m, but a half slash is a d?"_

" _That's right. You're learning fast, my son."_

" _S-son! I'm not your son!" The boy's face burns despite the freezing temperature. His embarrassment is cute, he thinks. He can't wait to show him to the rest of the family._

"Earl!" Tyki appears before him. "What happened?"

Road is close by. "Allen…"

"Shounen."

"Road. Tyki Myk."

He can barely follow their exchange. Images and scenes invade his mind.

" _ **Make it stop!"**_

* * *

Road Camelot

"How's the Earl?"

Road looks up to see Tyki by the door. Lulubell is behind him, and following Lulubell is Wrath, Jasdevi, and Sheryl. Lero is already in the room with her. They all come in, and can't help but crowd around the Earl's fitful form on the bed. She sees him shiver violently, and she pulls the blanket even higher up his shoulders.

"Jeez, I leave you guys for one second, and this is what happens?" Road smiles weakly at Sheryl.

"Oi, oi. In our defense, we were keeping the other exorcists busy." Tyki raises his hand in surrender.

"Yeah, yeah!" Jasdevi affirms, and looks like they want to say more, but Lulubell stops them.

"Who did this to him?" They all feel the anger of the Noah fluctuating from the Noah of Lust, and edge back.

Allen, she remembers now. Road doesn't know what the young exorcist did to their Earl. She has never seen him like this before. If Allen had caused this much pain to her Earl, Road didn't know if she could stop herself from hunting the boy down.

Even if he was a little adorable, family always came first.

They're all silent, pondering the peculiarity of their situation. Who would have thought the Earl would ever fall in this position? That was what they were here for; the Noah apostles were here to protect the Earl; they failed in their most important job. And it feels like a stab in the gut. The Noah within them are screaming for retribution, and that can only end with the bloody and gruesome death of the youngest Walker.

"Allen Walker was the one we found with him." Road reluctantly divulges. She doesn't really think that Allen was the one who caused this much pain to the Earl. Or at least, she  _hopes._  She'd really hate to go through with offing the exorcist. It's a conflict with interest.

"That exorcist! He'll pay for what he did!" Lulubell starts to stomp out of the room, when Road barely catches the Earl move.

"Don't!" The Earl's right hand had reached out to grip Lulubelle's, tightly keeping her in place.

"Millenium Earl!" Road exclaims. The Earl lets go of Lulu, and struggled to sit up. He grips his forehead, massaging his temples.

"Are you alright?" Sheryl asks, worry etched into her father's elegant face as he settles himself to the Earl's side, body taut with controlling the Noah's rage. The Earl only sighs.

"What happened, Lero?" Lero flies over to the now-rejuvenated Noah. "Tyki and Road were worried."

"I remembered." The Earl is unusually silent, and Road can see that this isn't easing anyone in the room. The only times the Earl had been like this, it was when something serious had happened.

"Remembered?"

"Road, Tyki, Lulubelle, Wrath, Sheryl, Lero, and Jasdevi…" The Earl starts. "What was I doing eight years ago?"

"Eh?" Whatever she was expecting, it was  _not_  that. She wonders if the Earl can feel the surprised looks everyone was giving him. Seeing the Earl awake and talking calms her Noah down, and she knows that the same goes for the rest of the family.

"If I remember correctly… You were traveling by yourself for a couple of years." Sheryl's the first one to recover. The Earl lifts his head to look at the Noah of Desire.

"I wasn't alone." The Earl clutches his head. "I had a son."

. . .

_WHAT?_

"I had a son..." Road is sure someone tripped, and someone sounded like they had choked.

"I had a son…" Millennium Earl repeats, eyes widening in realization as if he hadn't truly understood what he told the rest of the family.

"A-ano…. Maybe whatever the Earl-" Devit begins.

"Caught addled his brain?" Jasdero finishes, cocking his head to the side.

"That would totally explain it."

"Yeah, makes sense." They nod, agreeing that it was the only thing that fit their situation.

Road is the only one surveying the Earl closely enough to know that their unanimous conclusion that the Earl had gone round the bend annoyed the Earl. A vein ticks on his forehead.

"I'm not lying." The Earl gets up, and they jolt and scramble to stop him.

"Mille-You should still be resting!" She chases after him, but the Earl is surprisingly fast.

With the look of a man in a mission, the Earl comes out of his bedroom, and straight into the whiteness of the Ark. He darts into one of the alleys, and is gone.

By the time they catch up to him, the Earl has opened one of the many houses in the village, going inside with a dazed expression. She and the family trail after him in awe into the simple looking bedroom. It was clearly meant for a child. There were toys on one side, and a small bed in the other. A bag was placed neatly on the side of a plain wooden desk and a child-sized chair. It didn't look like the room had been used though. There was dust everywhere.

"I never knew we had a room like this in here." Road hears Sheryl say as she stares curiously in at the Earl who had stopped right in front of the desk staring at a picture frame.

"I was planning to show him to everyone," Road approached the frozen Earl, a sinking feeling in her gut, and gave a start. In the picture frame was Adam, the Earl's human persona, and a young boy… who looked eerily like one specific exorcist. "But… I died."

EH?!

* * *

Allen Walker

"You guys are heavy..." Having four people on top of him while he's trying to keep Lenalee un-crushed was no easy feat. He tilts his neck side to side, stretching his cramped muscles. "Gah!"

"What is this town?" BaKanda looks around with a glare.

"This place! It's inside the Ark!" Allen stares in wonder at the white bricked pavement, the neat layout of simple white houses. Why did they end up here?

They came with Lenalee, but how? Last time he had been here, it had been through a huge, dark gateway. The one that took them here was literally a circle on the floor.

"Why the heck are we here?" BaKanda levies him a glare. The atmosphere between them crackles to life.

"Don't know." How the heck should I know, Bakanda? Allen mentally grouches. Allen catches sight of the pink umbrella that the Earl swung around everywhere and that had been with Road the first time she attacked Lenalee, him, and Miranda. The umbrella is shaking, looking like it is struggling with something big.

"After long years, the boat completed its role and has come to a stop." The Earl's voice comes from the pink umbrella.

"Well done, Lero. Time to depart, my dear exorcists!" Allen watches in amazement as the pumpkin umbrella spits out a gigantic balloon Earl?! A building breaks apart from behind them, and the Earl laughs. "It's to depart with this Road to hell!"

But the laughter stops as soon as the Earl's balloon eyes land on him. The Earl balloon becomes suddenly serious, and something bad settles in his stomach. The Noah's next few words chills Allen down to the core.

"Except for you, my dear Allen Walker. I have different plans for you (heart)."

* * *

"There should be a house somewhere that connects to the outside! I came through that!"

"And how many houses have we busted?!" Still, Allen can't give up. There must be a way out. He's not willing to let everyone die here.

"Impossible, lero! This boat has stopped, lero! It's not connected to other dimensions, I tell ya, lero!" Allen ignores it, decimating one more building. Do not hit the pumpkin. Do  _not_ hit the pumpkin. "Seriously, there is no-"

Allen gives in and hits the noisy pumpkin umbrella. He did not want to give up hope, despite what the Earl said. To Hell, the Earl had said. He looks back to Lenalee, the new person that had accompanied them with Anita and her crew to look for master Cross, Lavi, Krory, and even BaKanda. He doesn't want them to die here. He doesn't want to know what Johnny, Komui, and the rest would look like if they come back from this with cold, lifeless bodies.

He feels Crown Clown react to his tenseness. And tries to relax.

Besides, he breathes in, he was still pretty creeped out. He did not want to know what the Millennium Earl, the count with a vendetta against humanity, had in store for him.

" _Except for you, my dear Allen Walker. I have different plans for you (heart)."_

Allen shivered.

"Ow! You're gonna die here, lero!" This pumpkin…. Was asking to be hit one more time. More homes collapse, and they evade the falling debris.

"There is but one…." Allen feels someone behind him. That voice! "Exit."

"!"

The white-haired exorcist turns around to find  _five_  Noah's behind him.

His friends all jump back, and he's about to join them in getting away from the dangerous gray-skinned superhumans when a gray arm snags his neck and keeps him rooted where he is.

"Wha-?"

"Where are you going, Shounen?" Tyki Mykk! The Noah who had almost succeeded in killing him-Allen's brain screams at him. Get away from here right now! He struggles, activating his arm, but the man's grip on him was solid. "You got me in so much trouble, you know."

In trouble? What about him? This man got him killed!

"Oi! Super thick glasses! Let Allen go!" Lavi shouts.

"Feh! Super thick glasses, he said!" snickered a blonde-haired Noah.

"Yeah, super thick glasses! Let him go!" a dark-haired Noah continued, propping up a gun.

"Aaand this is why the Earl wanted me to go with you," Another Noah Allen had never seen before sighs as if the man was already used to dealing with his kin's antics. "You guys… you don't intend to keep the Earl waiting forever, do you?"

At the remainder of that, Allen takes his struggling up a new notch.

"Let me go!"

"We can't Allen. Milleni~ needs you, you see!" Road smiles mysteriously, and it does nothing for Allen's growing horror.

Then his vision is filled with black.

* * *

The Earl

He can't help but take his time observing the boy now that he actually knows why his thoughts kept drawing him to the exorcist. He can't help but think he had grown up nicely, this little boy he used to take care of. He eyes the pentacle on the pale forehead, and once again wonders how things had come to this.

He still doesn't know what caused the rift in his memories. Why couldn't he remember Allen? He had left his son alone for so many years by himself-and attempted to kill him  _multiple_  times. He had almost succeeded. He couldn't believe that he owed his son's survival to Innocence, of all things.

The Earl clenches his fist. Someone was gonna pay, of that he was sure.

He remembers the torture the boy went through, his small cries pleading his innocence to an unforgiving crowd. He remembers a small Allen up on a metal cage like he's an animal up for show in the circus. He felt his heart reach out to the young child who nobody sided with, who was very kind (in his own rude way), who loved his dog named Allen. He can't help but remember his satisfaction as their dirty blood spilled on the ground as he whisks the boy far, far away.

That was supposed to be the end of their journey.

And yet, it wasn't.

Red had turned out so much more. The little boy spewed language so uncouth it made ears bleed, and tried to hide his big, big heart under the veil of apathy-still, the Earl knew the boy cared. He had nowhere else to go to after he, in all his macabre glory, murdered an entire circus crew, so he had sought to place him in an orphanage. But he couldn't do it. Watching the disgust in the face of the matron, the evil eyes that people who found out about Red's deformed hand threw at the kid, and the light in the boy's eyes grow dimmer made Mana's guts churn with dark retribution.

He reasoned that as a clown, it was his job to make children happy. So he made it his job to bring out the smiles that the boy hid under his frowns. It made him see that every happy twinkle in the kid's eyes was worth much more than all the gold Sheryl had collected. It was just two hurt people, one suffering from the pain of betrayal, and one drowning in a harsh world full of rejection. He never meant for the boy to gradually become family.

But the small brown-haired child did, became such an inseparable part of the Earl that ensuring the child's happiness and survival had become one of his daily missions. It eventually came to the part where he knows that as soon as he figured out how to take the Innocence out of Allen, he would reveal his child.

He remembers planning to go back and show Allen to everyone. He remembers slowly making some of Allen's things 'disappear'. Precious photographs and mementos that he'd sneak into the Ark and to Allen's special room while the boy was asleep. He remembers buying toys he knew Allen wanted to try and arranging them in Allen's would-be room.

Because he was going to tell Allen the truth, and he knew his son would not mind.

He never got to tell Allen the truth, and now, it all led to this.

What was his little Allen gonna think now? His son couldn't possibly forgive him, his father who turned his friend into an akuma, his father who sent a Noah to kill him, his father who made his life hell.

If he wanted Allen back, he knew that what he was about to do was necessary. Otherwise, he knew that Allen would never accept his father figure being a wanted man by the Innocence he fought for. The same man who murdered people that his son cared about.

"Earl…." He turns to see Lulubell fixing her glasses. "The akuma is ready."

* * *

He watches the boy stir. Grey eyes blearily gaze around him, until it pops open almost comically. The Earl can't help but wonder what is going on behind those alarmed eyes. It travels through the plain white room with horror, suddenly realizing that he is in an unfamiliar place. Allen jolts awake, and tries to stand up only to find he is tied to the chair.

"Millenium Earl! Where have you taken me?"

…

"Millenium Earl?"

He can tell the boy is unnerved by his silence. Yet, he can't help it. How can he? It was one thing to know that this boy spoke politely, and another thing completely to relate the little rude boy he had adopted to this much more polite young man. It makes him curse what happened again. The sheer trauma it must have been to his poor son.

By now, his child is decidedly freaking out with his continued silence, but the Earl feels like something is lodged in his throat.

How could he ever apologize for leaving Allen on his own? For dying without permission and leaving an eight-year old kid out on the streets with no one to look after him?

Thankfully, Sheryl steps in to save him.

"Come now, surely that is no way to greet your father?"

"Father?" Allen gives the Noah of Desire a glower that conveys just how cuckoo he thinks the man is. "My father's dead."

* * *

Sheryl Camelot

Sheryl takes one look at the Earl and internally sighs. The boy's answer probably doesn't help the Earl who was already shaken up about having his son again. Because he is a father, he sorts of understand wanting to make a good impression on their child.

The fact that the Earl's adopted son has only known the first apostle as the surely evil man who's ruined countless human lives probably ruined any good impression the kid could have of his father's Noah persona. Tyki, who is behind the boy doesn't make any indication that he is there. Sheryl mentally applauds the man's previously unknown reservoir of patience-even if it looked like it was about to run out soon.

"I'm not dead, Allen." Finally. It seems like the Earl had eventually found whatever courage he had left.

Allen Walker goes on the defensive, eyes narrowing in controlled anger.

"You-!"

Whatever the kid was gonna say dies on his lips as the Earl sheds his outer shell, revealing the human Adam.

The boy freezes, sitting stock still, seemingly unable to tear his eyes away from the transformation happening right in front of him. Then he hear's the child's breath hitches, and Sheryl watches gray orbs widen in recognition. And  _horror_.

Here we go, Sheryl prepares himself.

"M-Mana…?"

Mana what?

Tyki and him share confused looks. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that. Shouldn't the kid be saying 'Adam?' or 'Father?' or something? Who was Mana?

"Allen." The Earl smiles gently, reaching out a hand to cradle the boy's cheeks. "My son."

"N-no! It can't be!" The boy shakes his head furiously from side to side. "What are you playing at, Noah?!"

"It really is me, Allen." The Earl kneels in front of the boy, and hugs the child in denial. It's a little sappy, in all honesty, but he's glad to have this out of the way.

Lulu motions the mind-based akuma in from the doorway. This would have been so much easier if the Noah of Wisdom had been alive, but since  **that**  had happened….

* * *

The End

Allen slowly wakes to stare dazedly at the finely decorated ceiling above him. Even in the dimly lit room, he can see hints of curled metal tracing the intersection between the high walls. It was all extraordinarily fancy, something he was not used to, especially when traveling with _Mana?_ Adam?

Where was he? His head pulses, but he ignores it in favor of scrunching his face at the sudden bright light. Where was…? He lifts his head up to see a room filled with smiling, curious people, and freezes.

He feels a few muscles tense, the rest still groggy from sleep. The group he's with looks friendly enough, but he doesn't actually know these people. They all gaze at him expectantly, but he doesn't know what to say until he finds one familiar face in the crowd. Almost jumping off (his left arm stings with the action), a soft cry leaves his lips.

"Adam!" His tiny limbs protest, but it doesn't stop him from weakly leaping to hug his father. He snuggles into the man's broad chest, and simultaneously uses his father as shield to hide himself from the rest of the people in the room.

"Where are we? Who are all these people?" He loudly whispers into Adam's ears (was it normal to think it was weird to call Adam, Adam? Allen feels like a different name would fit his father better-something like Lana or Mana, or Kana).

His father's warm arms wrap around him, pull him tightly into a hug. "Allen, these are-"

"Your new family! I'm your niece, Road Camelot." The older girl gives him the cutest smile.

"I'm Sheryl Camelot, the father of this wonderful young lady! And Adam's brother." A man to the right who looks elegant as fu-no, he shouldn't use that word anymore. Didn't Adam (Mana) tell him not to use it anymore?

"Tyki Mykk, your uncle."

"Jasdero and Devit!"

"Lulubell."

He is silent the whole while that they introduce themselves, and there's a few seconds of awkwardness that only he seems to feel when their greetings end with a buff man. Adam softly nudges Allen to respond. Allen feels a whine build at the back of his throat. He wants to tell Adam (Mana) that he wants to just hide behind his father and his father should just let him.

"It's alright. They're really nice people. I'm sure you'll grow to love them in no time, my son."

Love them? He just met them! Was this Adam's family? What if they didn't like him? Like the others who were disgusted with his deformed left hand. He peeks down to look at it and sees nothing but unblemished pale skin. He's confused for a moment before he realizes that silly him-his left arm wasn't deformed!

He looks at Adam's encouraging smile, and gingerly lifts his head from his father's chest to greet them.

They seemed nice enough.

"N-nice to meet you. I-I'm Allen D. Campbell." He manages a short intro before he flushes with embarrassment at his stutter, and goes back to burrowing his head under Adam's neck. But, at least, Adam's proud smile means he didn't mess up too bad.

* * *

Adam presses a small kiss at the top of his son's head. Shrinking and giving Allen an arm (plus covering the hole in Allen's heart) using Dark Matter and reinforcing it with magic seals had been no easy feat. But this way, his son wouldn't have to remember living through years without Adam remembering him.

This time, Adam remembered Allen, clear as day. And he would keep him away from all Innocence. Away from all the fights, like Allen had previously been.

"I remember you," He presses one last kiss at the dozing child's head. "I remember you, my son."

* * *

If you like that ending, **STOP NOW**.

* * *

 

_A figure above watched the scene with interest._

_"This seems too easy."_

_And with careful deliberation, moved the pieces across the timeline, and changed the direction of the tale before it._

* * *

 

FROM Sheryl's POV:

_"It really is me, Allen." The Earl kneels in front of the_ boy, _and hugs the child in denial. It's a little sappy, in all honesty, but he's glad to have this out of the way._

* * *

 

The Earl/Mana

There was pain and he stumbled back. "Allen?"

Allen's forehead was red from where the child had head butted him.

"If you think you can fool me," Allen's breath was ragged, the pale face taut with anger and hurt. "If you think you can—with whatever illusion you're using—make me believe that you are Mana, you've got another thing going, Millenium Earl."

He's forgotten how much more emotional being Mana was. It was like the days after, after after Neah, but he shakes his head—this moment was not the time to think about-about-about him.

He bites his lip, and holds his tears in. He softly holds back a sob. He knows he failed when warm, wet streams dropped down the sides of his face. He internally curses, but makes no move to dry his waterworks. _He doesn't know why it hurts—doesn't understand why he feels like a thousand broken shards even though he's finally whole again._ The fact that Allen looks at him with distrust. It crawled under Mana's skin—because he can't stand it.

How did everything become such a wreck? His family killed and betrayed (was it really a betrayal?), his memories gone, and the little boy he raised as his was abandoned and joined his enemy.

He gulped air in. He had to be strong. Allen was his priority right now. Still, he fights the wreck he wants to crumble into, and he's feeling everything for the first time in thirty years. The tears he thought he had dried up after decades of wallowing are proof that he's finally back. He was Mana, he was the Earl—all at once. He wants to make Allen understand that he never meant to leave him, that he was back, and that—

"We can be a family again, Allen." Mana whispers. "I know it doesn't make sense right now, but if you'll let me, I'll explain everything. I am Mana Walker, I, I, I was—"

But his son doesn't give him a chance.

"You failed, Earl. You don't even know how-how to act like Mana." Mana shakes his head. No, he knows exactly how he was, but Allen's grey eyes tremble and glare with water and fury even as the boy goes on. "Mana never cried."

"That's enough."

Sheryl stepped forward, and the Earl feels a little bad that he's forgotten that the _ and Tyki were here, too.

"Close your eyes and go to sleep." The Earl wants to stop him, watching with a small panic as Allen's eyes shot up in alarm as he lost control of his body. Sheryl's Noah powers immediately do their job, and the Earl stares in disbelief as Allen's eyes fell shut and the tenseness that their conversation had brought to the young face (but still older, way older than the one he was used to) left. Allen's white head falls forward, and his petite form slackens.

"Earl…." Sheryl is looking at him with an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes. This time, the Earl doesn't stop himself from rubbing his tears away. "I think you should rest."

* * *

 

Allen Walker

_"Is it dead?" Puffs of air trailed from him as his breath touched the freezing December air._

_The retarded clown looks at him, and Red immediately hates how the red-painted clown lips hide the fact that the man wasn't actually smiling. He can barely see the real lips, but Red knows that they were straight, thinned. Those eyes…. Red swore, they were dull and lost._

_"He's dead." Red gazes down at the hole that the shitty clown had dug. It wasn't very shallow, and the dog he had inadvertently become friends with lied there, silent. Specks of ruddy scarlet stained soft fur, and his vision blurs. He wants to say that this was unexpected, but humans weren't all_ purty _saints and shit._

_"He's covered in bruises." It was obvious. Despite the piss-crap egos, no other people from the fuckin' freak show had the cruelty and vileness to bludgeon a sweet_ ol _' doggy like his friend. "Cosimo probably did it. 'Cuz the audience like you more than him. He hates when people are better'n him."_

_All the while, the dressed up bastard_ s'mply _piles cold dirt on his former friend, and Red finds himself squattin' on the ground as the man worked. Purty soon, there's a mound where the body used to be. The clown puts down a ball with stars all over it._

_"Cosimo's got no talent except when it comes to stuff like this." Red should know, after all the blacks and blues on his arms, and the sting of the swelling on his cheek were plain reminders of human crappiness._

_"He was an old dog. He wouldn't have lived much longer anyway. It's alright."_ It's _alright? What the fuck was this bastard sayin'? His dog (Red's friend) was just murdered-where was the fire? Why_ the heck was _he so alrighty with this thing?_

_"You're not going to get revenge?" Red-eyed the clown-bastard suspiciously._

_The bastard clasps his hand in prayer. "If I do that. I'll get thrown out of here and won't get paid."_

_Ugh. Red almost wants to hit himself. Duh. What other answer did he expect?_

_The man continues on. "I'm a newcomer, after all. After Christmas tomorrow, I'll move on to somewhere new…."_

_So the man was leaving, huh… No surprise there, his dog was beaten to death here. Nobody decent would stand to be here. He props up his right hand on his knee and rests his head there, looking away into the far distance._

_Snow is everywhere, even on the roofs of those triangle-head houses. Nobody was out this early in the morning. What few trees he sees are barren, sickly figures that are all brown and branches with no green. There are dark clouds in the sky ahead, and the winter wind burst from there. It stings his injured cheek, but soothes about every other ache in his body._

_He thinks about the outside world-the audience's world. It must be an interestin' place filled with kids that have a parent-thing. Even more, kids with two of those things. It's a luxury he will never have because of his weird-ass arm._

_What would it be like if he had been born with a normal, working arm instead of this crappy one? What if he had been born like those other kids. He would have lived in the outside world, he thinks._

_He wants to live and leave this hellhole._

_He's half a thought away from asking the man to bring Red with him. But he hates owing people. And he's got nothing to offer. Just a couple more years. He could wait. Like he'd always planned since he understood what it meant to be away from these big tents and jackasses._

_"Hmm?" Shit. He's left with his mind and the man is still here next to him. "Who are you, anyway?"_

_"I do odd jobs around here… I've brought you dinner before."_

_"I have a bad memory for faces." The clown explains, before trailing off with something completely off-topic. "Oh my! You're covered in bruises, too, aren't you?"_

_And then the fucker fucking takes spit and rubs it on his 'scuffed cheek. The saliva is warm on his cheek. Fu-_

_"Gross! Get your spit off me, dummy!" He hastily leans away from the disgusting man, throwing a glare at the bastard._

_But the man only softens. "Did Cosimo beat you up?"_

_"Shut up."_

_"Don't you have any friends?"_

_That hit a nerve._

_"I said SHUT UP!" Red yells. "When I grow up… I'm getting out of here as soon as strong enough, so I don't need any friends."_

_Red doesn't need anyone._

_But the dumbass next to him bunches up white-painted cheeks and shoves it in his face. A dead stare is all that gets from Red. "What are you doing?"_

_"You didn't think that was funny?"_

_Only because this is one person in those whole screw-ups that he can stand, he says, "Sorry, I don't like clowns."_

_In fact- "I hate clowns."_

_"My, my." The clown lifts his head, a little jauntily. "Well, I hate crowds and children who don't laugh."_

_"Hmph." Like_ hell _he cares._

_"Aren't... You gonna cry?" His thoughts find themselves back to his friend, who was now underground. This dog had been his first touch of kindness in a whole while. "He lived with you for a long time, didn't he?"_

_"Aren't you sad?"_

_The next thing he knew, the man has tied a noose on the thickest branch from a tree next to_ them, _and snuggled his huge head through the ropes. "I'm so sad I could die."_

_What the-"QUIT IT!" Is this guy dangerous? Who goes trying to look they wanna off themselves?_

_**"But I can't cry."** The clown pulls himself off his head out of the noose, and those weird eyes gaze down at him. **"Maybe my tears are all dried up. They just won't come."**_

_Ah. That was right… Mana never cried, not once in the few years Allen had lived with him._

_So why was it so off-putting, seeing the Earl desecrate Mana's memories by dressing up as Mana and **crying**?_

_"We can be a family again, Allen." **Mana whispers, tears dripping down, face crumbled. It's a mixture of devastation, desperation, and hope-and something Allen couldn't describe. It's an expression he's never seen on his Mana before.** "I know it doesn't make sense right now, but if you'll let me, I'll explain everything. I am Mana Walker, I, I, I was—"_

_He's never seen Mana crying, and that's how he knew that the Earl wasn't Mana. Couldn't ever be Mana. His (Allen's) Mana._

_Not once._

Something lures him back to consciousness. It's a presence next to him. Someone hand is on his, radiating heat, and Allen blearily opens his eyes to a fuzzy ceiling.

Sunlight drizzled down from a window somewhere. He blinks dazedly at it. What a pretty ceiling.

"Allen."

_Chills_. He hates how the Earl calls the name Mana gave him with so much sorrow.

He jolts into semi-awareness, and sure enough, the Earl is there by his side. He refuses to believe this man is Mana because Mana is dead. Allen had even turned him into an akuma.

This man was not Allen's Mana. Never was, never would be. He doesn't know what the Earl's plan is, but Allen is not going to play it.

He sharply pulls his hand away from the Earl's hold, and turns himself to the wall next to the bed he had slept on, and dutifully attempts to drown out the Earl trying to talk to him.

He slept on. 

**Author's Note:**

> That sets off the tone for this story, I guess. What do you think? I spun this off of KK's an "unaltered Allen" dealing with the Earl as Mana. Any comments on what might be a possible scenario?
> 
> I will have a better kidnap explanation and a few other things in the following chapters. HINT: Allen worries over his friend's safety, and tries something pretty daring.
> 
> Any grammatical corrections would be very welcome!


End file.
